living alone

so im living in a apartment by myself. i dont like it much i liked having a reason to shut the bathroom door. i still shut it but its just nice having a reason too.

kites

I now see the world for what it is a mix of liars and hypocrites their disguised as fiends or saints where no one changes they only switch through lanes chasing the fastest way,wanting to get there today but ive come to realize thats not my way. happyness comes slowly its a long hard road and im not there yet some might say i'd get the feeling of reget but im over with it so take off your bets, i now see life for what it is a tide of highs and lows and were we end up nobody knows i see my life as a kite in one gust im above all of us then i fall without notice.

10/03/10

I forgot the string that was there all along, I forgot the man holding on guiding me threw so when a headwind's there forget despair, I have him to fall into. Happiness isn't hard to obtain, it doesn't require a journey, it doesn't take a long hard path, it comes in the way you react. If I only understood that there was someone here, looking after me even when i was unaware. The time has come to know that man, trust in him and do what I can not to dwell on the liars or the hypocrites, but look at the daring who took a chance and learned from it. I'm keeping in my mind thoughts of men and women who tried, i cant stand by and pretend to be on my own with no final direction in mind. Ive tired that and it doesn't end with a claim sublime life, it leads to a lost man with no one by his side.

Coming Home

i'm coming home today almost on my way, forgetting about all the regrets. like why i had to go astray. ive been tied to the tracks and a train is coming down. theres no rational escape. and the worlds falling in all around.all that there is left, is a mixture of love hate and regrets. all bets are off kids. its going to be a crash and burn or fly and soar. its not even up to me ether way. theres one question i have it say, why did it take so long? why have i done some many things so wrong? i feel like its probably all gone. i guess it will be best if that question remained masked. but ive been asking it for the last two years. im flat out sick of living in my fears.

eh.

im sick of these ten hour days ya life sure sucks these days im just livin day by day navigating myself threw the haze while the trail of upset x'es and fallen friends keep me from finding myself in the end but no no life wont end its either give up give in live in sin or go on stay strong and push threw, i should get the courage to say enough with you but we all know thats something i would never do. yes i hear what you say your just another coward thats getting in my way. but that ends today, good day;)

blah

so i have been thinking about what i want in life and i came to this conculson, i want two kids by the time im 30 five all together and a wife that loves me but probley loves her kids more. i want a house in the suburbs and i want to be a scoutmaster and boss around teenagers, oh and have some crapy job! im excited

ugh

so i pretty sure im going on a mission and leaving this summer. it just feels like the right thing to do i hope my neck and health holds up, my week has been pretty uneventfull stupid people. i went to ikea today with my momie i got some pretty cool cheap stuff that store is always eventfull! i had to work on yearbook three hours today since people dont do there stinking work ugh. very frustrating. i still have a school boy crush on a girl its pretty retarded maybe ill let her know before i leave on my mission or maybe not i really dont want anything to do with dating intill i come back oh one odd thing im scared to let my parents know my plans for the summer cuz its all they will talk to meabout is that insane? they would be so proud of me but i dont want it if i had it my way they would not know intill the day i leave am i crazy? every day i wonder that very question here i am sitting on a friday night cuz i dont have any need of going out a socializing with people. so i decided to listen to some meatal winds of plague this week it ponders me why anyone likes that crap i like angst in music thats why i like hardcore punk but when its screaming you cant understand and completly over the top whats the deal its a complete joke.

lost

lost two friends today i lose friends alot i usely get them back and so im used to it. i will never keep my mouth shut when i think somthing is wrong doesnt that make me a true friend? one who wont just sit by and let someone do somthing bad?i thought that was what a friend was for someone who always tells u how they actually feel, i guess not but i dont need a bunch of close friends only one or two they knows who they is,